Category Archives: Scooters

How To Enjoy A Guinness At Home

I’m going through my Photobucket looking at old stuff, and I’m in the “scooter club days” strata. For all the posting I did on scooter forums, I didn’t really talk a lot about scooters. Mostly I would wind people up over silly shit, and post crudely manipulated pictures of my friends doing obscene and (to me) hilarious things. A couple of those windups were truly transcendent, and I wish I still had them on record. Some douchenozzle stole my old laptop, so I don’t, so there it is. But I do have some pictures.

One of the sets of pictures I found on Photobucket was a tutorial I did on how to drink Guinness from a glass in your own home. I can’t remember why I would do such a thing, except that I feel very strongly about a good pint of the black stuff. It’s not particularly funny, or really funny at all, but seeing it reminded me of some of those funny things from back then. So I guess I’m a joke tease.

But, in an effort to knock a certain post from its position in my top 3 of most frequently visited entries, I am going to post those pictures with a facsimile of the advice I originally gave with them. Ready?

PIC-0023The first thing you need is a good pint glass. This being the United States we have to settle for 16oz pints rather than Imperial pints, but that’s OK. This is my Stella pint glass from the Genuine Scooter Company. Any pint glass will do, but one with pictures of other stuff you like that’s not beer are best. Or no pictures at all, if those exist in places you shop. The cheap ones from Wal-Mart break really easily, so I don’t recommend them.

PIC-0024Next you need a can of quality beer. It doesn’t have to be Guinness Draught, but were not talking silly straws and little paper umbrellas here, either. I prefer beer that shares key advertising adjectives with interracial fetish porn: “black”, “thick”, “strong”, and “makes White people act strange”.

PIC-0025Some American professional bar tenders will tell you to pour straight into the glass. Screw that noise. I am a professional beer drinker and want to maximize my beer to foam ratio. Tilt the glass at an approximately 45˚ angle for the first part of the pour.

PIC-0026Crack open the can and immediately begin pouring the beer into the glass. Aim the stream of beer for the side of the glass, and don’t let it fall too far. Avoid the sort of antics that tempt you with wine bottles and tea pots where you try to see how far apart you can get the two liquid containers in some dexterous display of wotsit, because this affects how the beer ultimately turns out, and that is Serious Business. Pour the beer until the level reaches the lip of the tilted glass and then stop. Just like in that picture up there.

PIC-0027Set the glass down. The beer will now “cascade”. This is a fancy term I picked up from a little cardstock instruction manual that came with a pint of Guinness I got on Saint Patrick’s Day 1999. It came with a free pint glass and explained much of what I’m teaching you now, but not nearly as entertainingly. So anyway, this is something that needs to happen, and it can’t be rushed.

PIC-0028Go do something else for a minute. Like warp back in time eight years and play Solitaire on an old version of Windows. I don’t remember what version is pictured, but I do know that I tried like hell not to have to upgrade to it. I used Windows ME for a LONG time, because it could not be permanently killed. It was a zombie-like operating system, in that every time my roommate’s ridiculous porn addiction finally gave it enough internet-herpes to make it crash, a system restore could bring me back online in the time it took most computers to boot up. When I finally got rid of that old Compaq Pavillion there was absolutely nothing wrong with it, other than it was old and not a MacBook. But the point is, you’re letting the first pour of your perfect pint of Guinness settle comfortably in its new home, getting everything ready for its partner, the second pour, to arrive.

PIC-0030Now we gently pour in the rest of the can. The half an inch or more of foam should steadily recede to no more than a quarter of an inch by the time it reaches the top, and every bit of precious liquid in the can should fit into a standard sized pint glass. If you don’t know what a pint is and think, like several bartenders I have come across in my travels, that one of those crumby red plastic cups is a quality beverage container, then you will have messed this up and will now be cleaning off your counter top. When you’re done with that, throw out all your red plastic party cups, it’s time to grow up.

PIC-0031Isn’t that beautiful? Of course it is!

PIC-0033I have heard the argument that when you pour the whole beer straight into the glass in one go, the resultant three inches of foam acts as some kind of magical quality control device. What’s really happening is that you’re getting charged for a full pint of beer and getting to drink about 10oz of it. Or if you’re in a completely ghastly place you’ve just paid something like $7 for a red plastic cup with 5oz of flat, piss-yellow, sour beer hidden beneath a smelly layer of undrinkable bubbles. Just pay the man, drink it, and go somewhere else. When you pour a glass of quality beer into a real pint glass the RomanticAntihero way, you get a thin but strong layer of foam that should look like fresh pancake batter. And if you’re into the idea that a head of foam locks-in the magic, then be happy that this thin but strong layer will remain in the time it should take you to drink the whole glass.

PIC-0034By all the gods, this is some good stuff we’ve got right here!

And there is that. I mentioned scooter forum shenanigans earlier, so I think I will post a couple of the pictures I made back then. These are two of the mostly SFW pictures I made, the language being the only offensive thing about them. There was a week or two where funny Craigslist ads were in style, mostly in response to the terribly inaccurate and obvious scam attempts involving the wave of cheap, Chinese knock-off scooters flooding the market at the time. Here were two that I did:



Comedy gold, yes?

I did eventually sell The Hate Machine, though. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like an abused spouse, always convincing myself I deserved the punishment because I needed someone to control my behavior, and finding ever more creative ways to have “accidentally hurt myself” to tell my friends and co-workers. A hot-rod vintage bike is just not an appropriate thing to own when you have an unsteady amount of discretionary income and little to no mechanical skill.

So that’s all about how I prepare beer to drink. Just another one of those “just because” blog entries.

Because, that’s why.


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Filed under Personal Reflection, Right Living, Scooters, Tutorial

10th Annual Greaserama Car Show 2010

Now that I’m back on two wheels (posting about that soon) I can go riding with friends again! I’ve been off the streets for too long, so I rode my new bike to Johnny’s BBQ in Mission to meet up with some old friends to eat lunch and ride out together to the 10th Anneal Greaserama car show, hosted by Los Punk Rods car club.

Meeting up with friends on scooters, some I’ve known for years, some I made that day:

Matty and Paul, shortly after having wedged our scooters through all the highway cruisers to get to the shaded spot behind the drive-in screen.

That’s my shiny new orange Stella there in the middle!

I’m going to post representative vehicles here on RA, and then probably just toss the rest. Because I took a lot of pictures, and even though there was a lot of cool stuff there it got repetitive real fast. So yeah, up there that’s a “basic hot rod”.

And a not-so-basic hot rod. I think this was the lowest rod there. I’m pretty sure it was actually sitting on the ground. It was really hard to tell, as there were a few cars that were really, really low.

Los Punk Rods CC are more of a “kustom kulture” type group, which is more or less punk rockers and greasers violating old cars, torturing them into an entirely different aesthetic of cool than any previous generation imagined, but there were a few cars that were straight out clean restorations.

Speaking of Los Punk Rods, they had an area taped off so that they may demonstrate their DIY ethic, chopping up and welding a car in front of a crowd. A lot of the guys there were DIY folk, used to sawing, hammering and welding on their own stuff. Back when they started it was just them and their friends, but now, ten years on, they get a lot of general public in to have a look.

As a club Los Punk Rods were raffling off this car, which the sign on the window said they were going to customize there at the show, I think.

There was a lot of silly stuff there, because when you’ve got folks who can weld and cut sheet metal and work on motors, and who drink a lot of beer I guess, you get hot rod barstools and motorized Radio Flyers.

This guy summed up the main theme of the event.

I didn’t stop to ask, but I’m pretty sure (from the airsoft pellets in the hopper and the air hose coupling) that this actually shoots stuff…

This stuff always cracks me up. Around tricked out cars you always get tricked out chicks. The dudes all go for a “I’m just going to get grease and welding sparks on it anyway” look, but most of the girls there were going for the “burlesque” or “pin-up” look. As a rule these girls love to pose for pictures, but I thought the random dudes taking their pictures was a more interesting subject.

Custom rod idling through the heavy crowd in front of the row of merchant booths. If you want to buy clothes that will get complete strangers to take your picture or PBR related kitsch for your garage or den, these were the people who were selling it.

I like these types of things.


Classic hot rod Ford.

I liked this guy’s homemade… camper?

Because I mostly just care about scooters (the cars are cool, just not my thing), here are some scooter pictures to end this thing. The above is a Cushman, Vespa’s butt-ugly American competition back in the old days. Now they make golf carts, lawn equipment and such, which frankly, wasn’t much of a leap for their design department.

Here is a Pidgeon scooter (no funny anecdote about them…) that was for sale for what we all agreed was a reasonable price, though nobody wanted it.

And that’s all I care to risk my bandwidth and storage space with.

After the car show those of us who were left rode out to Dayna and Paul’s house for a couple of drinks and shooting the breeze, and after those pleasantries I scootered on back home, happy as could be!


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Filed under Event, Right Living, Scooters